THE OFFICIAL VILLAINY SIMULATOR
For once, the bad guys win. Recruit a horde of unmotivated but willing monsters and conquer six kingdoms full of decent folk, mirror-polished paladins included.
IN TWO LINES
For once you're on the other side. Recruit a horde of thoroughly mediocre minions and take six kingdoms that had it coming. Battles are won with your head, not with the biggest button.
It's free on Google Play, and your game follows you from one device to the next: the siege goes on while you queue at the post office.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
INSIDE THE GAME
Six tastes of the real game: swipe or tap a tab.
FOUR WAYS TO CAUSE TROUBLE
Six kingdoms to dismantle, one after another. Every defeat leaves a mark on your horde: what you lose along the way doesn't come back on its own.
Single player
A second game inside the game: six factions, one board, no dice. Whoever reads it better wins — solo, online or in a tournament.
AI · online · tournaments
Same map, different bosses, one winner. Or team up and win together, if you make it to the capital.
2-4 players
Chaptered stories outside the campaign, each with its own rules: a squad of four and nothing else, no mercenaries, counted turns. Your horde and resources stay untouched, and losing never blocks you. Three arcs, all different.
Chaptered · separate packRoyal Smash opens from the Arena. Pick a faction, take a walk round the relic market with a fixed wallet, then it's the board's turn.
No dice: every piece has its own range, many have a special move, and if the King falls it is over. Against the AI, online one-on-one or in a tournament.
ADDED SINCE
Away from the battlefield there is a realm to keep running. Pick a building, put a minion in it and turn two dials: stress and duration. The harder you squeeze them, the better the haul. Or they don't come back at all.
The work goes on even with the game closed. The orders to open a work site come from fighting, so the two keep each other going.
Your realm away from the battlefield: five work sites, the minions you send to run them, and two dials — how hard you push them, and for how long. Whoever is working there does not march, so every turn is a choice.
New
Six pieces sent off to cause trouble on their own while you get on with something else. They come back with the loot, or they do not come back at all. And someone has worked out that certain squads, put together just so, make something odd happen.
New
Ten unique pieces you cannot buy: you find them. Each has its own recipe, and the collection stays yours even when you start a campaign over.
NewTHE CORE
One piece at a time, in turn, on a field that scrolls towards the enemy. Moving costs you, standing still costs you, and turning your back on someone costs most of all. The terrain isn't decoration: it decides who gets there first and who gets bottled up.
And when you realise the battle is lost, you can still run. It will cost you one of your own — and the way the good guys rub it in is one of the best things in the game.
YOUR PEOPLE
Every villain brings their own people. They grow, they learn, and when they fall you don't get them back the next day.
Resources go fast: recruiting costs, mercenaries want their wages, and what is left of the fallen ends up on the Tombstone.
Professionals of evil. They never die, but they want paying every single turn: stop, and they walk.
Three per villain, growing along a tree that asks, at every step, what you're willing to give up.
Torn from bosses, they last only a few battles. Wasting them is remarkably easy.
Cast on the map, before you even attack: they wear a node down, cost resources and have a cooldown. Keeping one back for the right moment makes the siege a lot shorter.
NOTHING GOES TO WASTE
Whoever dies in your service isn't finished yet. They leave something behind, and that something gets back on its feet — bigger than before. There is a limit, and it is two squares tall: try the fusing yourself.
He was an ordinary farmer. Now he is a farmer with considerably less skin.
PEOPLE YOU'LL ENJOY DISLIKING
Clean streets, polite people, choirs at dawn. Each has its own champion, and not one of them believes they can lose.
Every kingdom is a web of nodes leading up to the capital. Choose where to strike, gather the horde and, before the punches, there is always time for a few insults.
…and three more, to be uncovered with due wickedness.
Two villains, three kingdoms and every mechanic, without paying a thing.
Get it on Google Play
SIX VILLAINS, SIX DIFFERENT GAMES
Six different ways to be the villain. The minions, the powers and the way you win all change: starting again with another one isn't the same game with a new face.
BruteTIER: FREE
HIS MOULDY MAJESTY
Lord of the Whining Undead. He has reigned for centuries and complained for just as long.
Stubborn FleshMinions +12% health: dead meat never gives up.
ArcaneTIER: FREE
THE INFERNAL MEME
Lord of Demons, VAT registered. He gets you with a clause in six-point type.
Aggressive ClauseMinions +10% attack: it's in the contract.
SneakTIER: PLUS
SCARES FEAR ITSELF
Even nightmares have nightmares. Theirs is called this.
Shadow StepMinions +10% defence: hitting them is like hitting fog.
ArcaneTIER: PLUS
THE SOLUBLE VILLAIN
Concentrated evil, dissolves in cold water. Do not exceed the recommended dose.
Primordial BrothMinion healing is +20% more effective.
StealthTIER: PLUS
THE NOBLE OF THE BLOODLETTING
Not stingy: he only takes your blood. And the interest.
LifestealMinions heal 25% of the damage they deal: fragile, but they patch themselves up.
BruteTIER: PLUS
DIRECTOR OF THE MASSACRE
You think you're moving. Adorable.
RetaliationCounterattack +25% and minions that shove: whoever hits you regrets it immediately.← swipe to see them all →
THE TRIMMINGS
A full guide and a bestiary that fills itself in: every enemy joins the archive the moment you meet it.
Download it only from Google Play. Your save follows your account: phone, tablet, another device — pick up right where you left off.
Alternate versions of the characters and different backdrops, for when you fancy a change of scenery.
English and Italian, jokes included. Switch language on the fly.
WHAT IT COSTS
Two playable villains, the campaign up to three kingdoms and all the mechanics: horde, powers, skeletons, raid. Plus campaign multiplayer and a taste of Royal Smash against the AI. No ads.
Right away
One payment, no subscription. All six villains, the whole campaign across every kingdom, Nightmare difficulty, the six PLUS mercenaries and the full Royal Smash: six factions, 1v1 online and tournaments up to eight. It is also the key that opens the other packs.
Available
Thirty chapters across three arcs — The Trial, The Leg, The Plumber — with their own foes, dialogue and rewards, and a different objective in every chapter. Requires PLUS.
Available
A scrolling explorable world in three parts, forty-five maps. A party of four heroes picked from seventeen, five recruitable companions each with their own quest, secrets and mini-dungeons. Requires PLUS.
Available
Alternate skins for villains and minions, different battle backdrops and animated effects on your pieces. Zero gameplay advantage: pure looks.
Coming soon
A separate 1v1 card game, opened from the main menu: build your deck with the game's champions, among minions, buildings and curses.
Coming soon← swipe to see them all →
A one-off purchase, no subscription. What you unlock stays yours.
QUESTIONS WE ALWAYS GET
Yes. You download it and play: no shiny gems, nobody asking for your card in the middle of a siege. There are three optional packs, one-off purchases, only if you feel like it. Otherwise: you, the Horde and six kingdoms to ruin.
On Google Play, from the button above. The Ceremonial Pigeon objected for weeks on the grounds that a stamp was missing, then gave in and signed off on it himself. With the golden spoon.
Yes, that's where it lives. Download it from Google Play and play, nothing to configure. Your progress follows you across devices: ruin a different kingdom's day from every phone you own.
No. There are three difficulties: Stroll (the good guys are weak and even give you discounts), Normal, and Nightmare — where defences grow even when you lose. Guess which one everyone picks and then complains about.
Absolutely not. Losing is part of the plan: you still collect loot, your heroes come back battered but alive, and the fallen get recycled into skeletons. The campaign saves itself and follows you across devices.
Yes: a shared map, co-op or against each other, with a game code or public lobbies. Everyone faces a different boss. Worst player wins.
No.
Six kingdoms, fourteen self-important bosses, a horde of mediocre monsters and a tombstone to fill. Evil doesn't make itself.
Get it on Google Play
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SHEEP TAKEN TO PASTURE AND NEVER SEEN AGAIN
HERO TEARS COLLECTED (IN LITRES)
ODD SOCKS STOLEN FROM HERALDS
POTATOES THROWN AT DEFENCELESS PALADINS